Jenny & Jerry

We’ve moved!

I didn’t document cycle #2 because I didn’t have the strength. But we have 2 beautiful babies as a result and I write all about our lives at http://www.greyandfynn.wordpress.com.

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What’s going on…

On 5/17, I received my progesterone test results and when the nurse told me my levels were “very low”, I knew that wasn’t good.  I was instructed to up my dosage from 50 to 100 mg and come in on 5/23 for my pregnancy test.

While I consider myself a pretty positive person, I am first and foremost, a realist.  I knew the results meant that we probably failed this cycle so I had a good old-fashioned meltdown.  Jerry tried to keep things in perspective by saying if they thought it was a lost cause, they wouldn’t have made any changes to the progesterone dosage.  While this was a good point, it was also wishful thinking.  So I continued to have fits of sadness and screaming and crying over the next week. 

Jerry and I decided that we were going to let the office leave the pregnancy test results on his cell phone and then we’d listen to them together when I got home from work.  I still had a sliver of hope that they would say “Congratulation, you’re pregnant!” on the phone…but when she said “I’m sorry but your pregnancy test was negative”, I was certainly not surprised.  I suppose I had myself pretty mentally prepared for the outcome.  I got a little teary while I let it sink in and then just jumped into “Well now what?”. 

I am a girl (woman) that needs a plan.  I function much better when I have a course of action and I can plant my focus on what is ahead.  So now that Cycle 1 failed, here’s our plan of attack:

1. Stop thinking about this for a while.  I need a break. I. NEED. A. BREAK!  We’ve been hyper-focused on babies for almost 2 years. I’m ready to just enjoy my summer, enjoy my husband, and enjoy my life for a few months.

That being said, #1 does not mean we’re going to stop trying.  So…

2.  Schedule a follow-up meeting with Dr. S.  I don’t need the answers to why this didn’t work.  I’m 40 years old.  I have a limited ovarian reserve. My egg quality is less than stellar. Jerry has a low sperm count…I get it.  We were/are a long shot.  But I would like to know if there is anything we can do to increase our odds without IVF (i.e. should I go on Clomid?) during the next 6 months.  And prep ourselves for the next round.  We meet with him on June 27th.

3.  Plan Cycle 2 for January 2014.  It will not increase our chances of conceiving by doing IVF 2.0 right away.  Realistically, the earliest we could do it again would be @ October.  I have to be retested for everything, my cycle has to even out, they close their lab from 6/23 – 7/15, etc…so why not wait another 2 months until I can get on Jerry’s insurance and the bulk of it will be covered.  It’s a no brainer to me. 

4.  Kick our healthy living into high gear.  I haven’t done a lick of exercise in almost 6 weeks.  I guess walking counts but it doesn’t do as much for my mental health as getting my butt into a class and really working it out.  And I have given new meaning to the word “comfort food”…good grief.  Get it together, Jenny!  I got on the scale and surprisingly weigh less than I did when I started this whole thing.  But the numbers are never a real indication of what’s going on for me.  I can still button my pants but man, I can’t wait to feel comfortable again. 

As for the state of our mental health…I think we’re doing surprisingly well.  This is not the end of our world.  Life will go on.  I have many, MANY wonderful things to be thankful for and I’m trying to reflect on those.  My mantra has always been “Every thing happens for a reason”.  This was not our time.  Hopefully, our time will come but if not, we gave this our best shot.  I will honestly walk away and have no regrets.  That doesn’t mean I’m not sad.  I would still love to be a Mom one day.  And if it’s meant to happen, it will. 

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