Jenny & Jerry

Wanting a family

on February 4, 2013

If you would have asked me 5 years ago if I thought I would ever have kids, the answer would have been a resounding NO!  I don’t want to get married.  I don’t want to have kids.  End of story.

Until I met Jerry and all of that changed.  I knew I wanted to marry him within a few months of dating and suddenly the prospect of having a family of my own didn’t seem so bad.  So now, I want kids.  Or a kid.  I think Jerry & I would be great parents.

But I’m not one of those women who has always ached for a baby.  I don’t have that “thing” that’s all consuming and makes a woman desperate for her own child.   But I don’t realize how much I wanted a baby until I couldn’t have one.

That being said…I think deciding later in life that you want a child makes you more accepting if it doesn’t happen.  I know we have a small window.  I know there is a pretty big chance we won’t be parents.  I’m at the point now where I’m ok either way.  Took me a little while to get here, but I know it’s out of my hands and there is only so much I can do.  I want to exhaust all of our options and have no regrets.  If we don’t have kids, I want to know we did everything to have a family…it just wasn’t meant to be. We will have an amazing life regardless.

IVF is the last stop.  I kind of feel like we’re going to the casino, plopping $30,000 on the table and letting it ride.  There is a good chance we’ll walk away from this with nothing.  But there is that small hope that it will work.  And if it does, it will be worth all of the heartache and $$ that we’ve invested in this process.

Hope for the best…plan for the worst.  That’s all we can do.


2 responses to “Wanting a family

  1. bklynkatie says:

    Oh Jen… some of this hit so close to my own heart it brought tears to my eyes.


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